I have learnt that sometimes there is nothing else to do but cry.
I am so well, my new job (3 months in!) is going brilliantly – it felt like it came with a lot of pressure in the beginning but now that I feel as though I know what I’m doing there is really no stress involved; it does come with a lot of new responsibilities but I am taking each day at a time and coping better than I would have ever imagined possible.
I’m also working with mostly men – this would have been impossible for me a few years ago. I have had such issues around men and so I was often reduced to a simpering idiot when put in any situation with them. Yet, here I am thriving – I am proud of the confident and professional woman I have fought to become.
I also feel more accomplished as a parent. I certainly don’t get everything right but I don’t feel as though I am doing too bad a job – and at almost 14 and 11 I can see the wonderful people my children are blossoming into.
Mundane tasks are no longer mountains that I have to climb. I manage my self and my home with ease…
My mental health is very stable. My moods still swing but I have a very tight hold on them; I have learned so many management techniques that help me to cope when the big stuff inevitably happens… I still work hard every day to maintain my mental health – it will never be a natural thing, but it is less of a chore now. I am so incredibly proud of how far I’ve come.
I suppose there will never be any management techniques to stop me from feeling when the big and truly disastrous things happen. Maybe those raw, painful emotions are what make us human and sometimes you just have to cry until you can’t cry anymore.
There are such a lot of things not quite right with my world. Many things to think through and so many recent tragedies dropping at my feet. So I will let the tears fall for they water the flowers of tomorrow, but I’ll hold my head up high and keep searching for the sun…