There are many negatives to never having had a functional and healthy relationship and one of those is that you cannot judge what is right and what is wrong so easily… Am I being made a fool of? Is this healthy? Is this right?
How much time do you offer someone before you are wasting your time? Is it all relative?
For all my attempts to take this new dating venture with a pinch of salt, I am still finding myself speaking in increasingly intense tones… I berate myself and then I wonder if perhaps this is just the person I am and so perhaps I should just embrace this part of myself.
I have no idea what is acceptable and what is not in this new world and I suppose the methods of communication don’t help either… Can you really tell who is genuine in a written message? I love writing for the very fact that you can be anyone you want within the written word and so who is to say these men are real?
Perhaps I am just over thinking… Over analysing… It wouldn’t be the first time. I wish I could share myself without laying myself bare, so vulnerable but for some reason I can’t… I worked hard to get to this point, where I am open and honest and I find it incredibly liberating but it is also new to me in this vain. In relationships before this I was closed, I lied to make myself seem more interesting and appealing to the other person and so everything felt safer and further away from me because if I were rejected it wasn’t the real me being rejected… This does not feel safe, this feels raw. Maybe that is how everyone feels?
Do other people worry about these things? Is it just a case of going with the flow?
I’m unsure of my next move but perhaps it is time to move with more caution in these games of the heart…