I’m on my third day at work and it’s all going pretty well I would say; the work is simple – the people are friendly and my family has rallied around me to help with the kids. I’m being congratulated and told that people are proud of me and on the surface its making me feel pretty good.
If I think any deeper, scratch the surface of the chaos inside, stop and wonder at what I’m doing, then the screaming woman bursts from her chaos bubble of fear, terror and dread spreading negativity like the plague. It happened to me this morning… I was walking along the street to get a cup of tea before work and must have awakened the beast inside me because all of a sudden it seemed a wonderful thing that I might get hit by a car; a fleeting thought – easily shrugged off, but scary nonetheless! The screaming woman’s rationale was that we wouldn’t have to cope with all this if we were dead. You can’t fail her logic but why, when everything has been going so well, am I thinking things like this?!
It’s the pressure. The responsibility and change.
Hopefully time is the cure. When that which was change becomes the norm, is it still frightening?